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 What do you do about people who tell gay jokes at work? What if they offend you? What if you tell gay jokes that are not taken well? What do you do if you are not out at work and are offended by gay jokes? Follow the steps below and hopefully you will end up with a positive outcome.
Often your company, especially if they are big, will have certain policies regarding professional conduct at work. Perhaps your company has an ethics group or escalation procedures for internal problems. Maybe there is a human resources committee that handles workplace policy violations. I would certainly recommend that you do not report any misconduct anonymously. You will probably get farther with a personal story that an anonymous one.
The complaint hierarchy:
- Ask the person to stop telling the jokes, saying they are offensive to you and are not appropriate for the workplace.
- If you are uncomfortable confronting the offensive person, try talking to your boss to see if she or he will do something about it. You can ask that your boss keeps your name confidential.
- If your are not comfortable with either of the first two steps or they did not work, confront that person’s boss. Perhaps your manager just didn’t care because he or she was not their employee.
- The next thing to try would be going to your local human resources representative and explaining the problem. It would be best to do this in person, but is most careful to present in writing. I would follow up a written complaint with an in-person visit.
- Next, escalate the issue to a human resources manager and tell them that it is creating a “hostile work environment.” Those three words will elicit action. The company will not want a lawsuit on their hands. You have every right to be prevented from abuse at work.
- The final point of escalation would be to go to a company’s ethics board or your local business unit head or, if a small company, the president or CEO.
Photo by a flickr user, found at: http://www.flickr.com/photos/freya_gefn/ / CC BY-NC-ND 2.0
Whether we like it or not, HIV and AIDS are real problems facing the LGBT community. The question one often asks is whether they should tell their employer if they are HIV positive. This can become a point of major contention amongst legal scholars and just ordinary citizens. How, then, are you supposed to figure out what to do?
Employers may not ask job applicants about the existence, nature, or severity of a disability. Applicants may be asked about their ability to perform specific job functions. A job offer may be conditioned on the results of a medical examination, but only if the examination is required for all entering employees in similar jobs. Medical examinations of employees must be job related and consistent with the employer’s business needs. ~US EEOC
After having been diagnosed with a chronic neuropathic facial pain condition a little over a year ago, I realize how important it is to work with your employer regarding your medical condition. In the beginning, I needed to take quite a few 1/2 days of vacation to go to doctors’ appointments (yes, that is more than one doctor). My managers were thankfully kind enough to let me use my vacation time to seek the proper treatment. They have also been understanding of sick time usage… as far as I know. I have only disclosed that I have a chronic pain condition, not the entire details.
While my condition, trigeminal neuralgia, is not considered a disability by the US government, I would certainly consider telling a future employer that I have a condition that may require me to take x amount of time off. Hopefully they are willing to work with you. Luckily, there are many protections under the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) for people suffering debilitating conditions such as mine. I have provided links to some great resources below. For those with HIV/AIDS it can be a struggle to hold down a job due to medication side effects, illness, etc. Should you tell your employer?
As you see in the quotation above, your current or future employer cannot ask about your medical condition(s). You should only tell them that you have an disability that will make certain demands on your position. It is illegal for them to fire or not hire you simply because you have an illness or disability. While I am not a lawyer, I would suggest that you be upfront with a future or current employer so that your needs can be taken into account without disciplinary action up to and including dismissal. It is truly a moral issue which you must decide. Tell or don’t tell. In the end, it is probably best to inform human resources of the issue.
Disability.gov
Social Security Administration: List of Impairments
SSA: When is HIV a disability?
Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) of 1990, Revised
US Equal Employment Opportunity Commission: Americans with Disabilities Act
54% percent of closeted LGBT workers had to lie about their personal lives in the last year while only 21% of those who are out had to lie. These are statistics from a recently published HRC report (see link at end of article) which talks about LGBT treatment and attitudes in the workplace. While still in the closet, I had to lie constantly at work about my personal life so that my fellow coworkers would not know that I was gay. Fear of how I would be treated was my main motivation for not coming out at work, while 2/3 of LGBT employees say that one of their reasons is that they believe that sexual orientation is a private issue.
My belief is and was that being gay is my identity. The “gay lifestyle” is part of my being and there should be no reason to hide it. Fear of rejection, fear of being stereotyped, fear of being fired, and fear of being too liberal in a conservative work environment were all bundled into my fear of being caught. I was also really terrified that I would flaunt my sexuality if I came out. Along with these issues, the HRC also identifies an issue that affects 51% of those still in the closet: the fear of making other people [at work] feel uncomfortable. I feel that those who will pass judgment against me will make for a very uncomfortable work environment, especially one that is hostile and not conducive to a team environment.
Lying is a strong component to those who are not out in their place of work. Many reasons have been identified as being those that prevent people from coming out. I think we have all had to lie at some point in our careers to hide our sexual orientation. Of course you are lying about your sexual orientation, but what about the fact that you lied about having a partner/boyfriend/girlfriend or that you went to drag night at the local gay bar? Unfortunately, the only counterpart deep-seeded secret that I can think of in the straight world is that of hiding a spousal problem like alcoholism. Both are deep, painful issues which we need to handle. Is coming out at work the answer for those of LGBT persuasion?
No one has all of the answers. I won’t mince words, being out and gay (not happy) at work is extremely difficult in many environments. It will ultimately be our own choice on whether to come out at work. It usually a choice. For me, I was bursting at the seams to come out. For others, it is just a lot less of a pain in the butt to stay in the closet. Lying about your personal life is also a choice. Being gay is not. The best advice is to judge, based on your own situation, whether you should come out or not. We must not condemn those who have to lie to keep their privacy. Also, we must accept those who choose to stay closeted at work as it is the safe way to go.
Unfortunately, the best way to introduce normal, well-adjusted LGBT persons to straight people is to come out at work. That would give us the deepest penetration into the straight game called work. The more people that become acclimated to us, the more we can be accepted. We will not get closer towards universal acceptance without much pain and strife. Stopping the lying and coming out with honesty at work, my friends, is truly the first step for us to obtain the rights we are lacking. Through tolerance, then true acceptance we will be recogni What do you think?
Statistics by the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) in their new report: State of the Workplace for LGBT Employees.
The Human Rights Campaign (HRC) just released a report on the state of the workplace for LGBT Employees. I encourage everyone to read this. The information will astound you. It will also help you to see that others are experiencing the exact issues that you do.
A few highlights:
- 1/3 of Fortune 500 companies prohibit discrimination based on gender identity.
- 51% of LGBT employees hide their gender identity at work.
- 5% of those 18-24 years of age are out at work.
- 54% of those not out at work lie about their personal lives.
- 58% of LGBT employees report experiencing continuing jokes and derogatory comments at work.
- Just because a company says that they are LGBT friendly does not mean its staff is so accepting.
- “Dropping pink flags,” as I call it, is the primary way to come out at work.
I could continue this for another 10 pages. There are many topics in this that I wish to discuss and will do so over the coming weeks and months. If you would like to participate, please feel free to write a piece for this site! You may also submit an anonymous article.
http://www.hrc.org/degrees_of_equality/index.asp
 Echelon Magazine is reporting that Congressman Barney Frank will be testifying up on Capitol Hill tomorrow on workplace discrimination. This is testimony in support of a House bill called the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA). It would extend employment anti-discrimination laws to make it a crime to discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation and sexual identity.
A similar, if not the same bill was introduced in the waning years of the reign of George W. Bush (2007). This bill had the best chance of passing as its predecessors did not have the support required to pass such a bill. The bill died in committee for a few reasons. First, the final draft of the bill did not contain language that would prohibit discrimination on the basis of sexual identity, which excludes transgender and intersex persons from legal protection under the law. Many Democrats did not think that it was a strong enough bill and would only vote on a bill with those protections. The bill was originally trans-inclusive, but it was thought that there would not be enough votes to get it passed with that stipulation. Also, Bush would never have signed the bill into law. It was a futile attempt, especially during a nasty presidential campaign that ran LGBT issues under the bus in an effort to win over the “moral” and God-fearing.
Representative Barney Frank (D-Mass.) was an ardent supporter of this bill. He supported both the trans- and non-trans- inclusive bills. He reasoned that having a bill that only protected lesbians and gay men was better than nothing. While many see Mr. Frank as a fat, loud, cranky guy from a leftist state… umm. Let me try that again. Barney Frank is an outspoken House leader with decades of legislative experience. He was, I believe, the first “out” person in Congress. He has championed the rights of the LGBT community more than most people could dream. His presence up on Capitol Hill is an ardent reminder that we gay and lesbian citizens do have the ability to be elected to public office and have our voices heard.
Whatever form it takes, if ENDA is to be passed, we MUST support it. I am not talking politically here, just from the standpoint of a fellow LGBT citizen that can get fired for being gay. My opinion is that the final bill will not be trans-inclusive. At this point, Gender Identity Disorder (transgenderism[sic]) is still classified as a mental illness. That will be a major sticking point. The American Psychiatric Association appears to be discussing the declassification of this as a “disease” which “affects” transgender individuals. Don’t expect an answer before mid to late next year. Until then, let us see where the U.S. Congress takes us.
For more information on gender identity disorder, go to your local library [!?] and check page 576 of the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition, Text Revision[2000] (DSM-IV-TR). Echelon Magazine can be found at: http://www.echelonmagazine.com/
Photo from a Flickr user under the Creative Commons BY-NC-SA license.
While listening to Sirius XM Satellite Radio lately, I have been hearing a commercial play frequently. It is a promo for the Catholic Channel. This commercial talks about the topics they cover. The one topic is about how religion in the workplace is dangerous for the Catholic and/or Christian. I suggest that any topics surrounding religion at work are unhealthy for the gays and lesbians listening to such conversations and to the straight people listening to us talking about them. I will talk about the first scenario here.
The topic of religion has been a bone of contention in the LGBT community for countless decades. These issues really started coming to a head in the 1970s. The 80s brought these issues to the forefront for the national media with the rise of the Moral Majority, the creation of the immaculate concept of “family values,” and HIV/AIDS. Most of us know that some people believe that things such as gay marriage will lead to bestiality and adoption corrupts the children of gays and lesbians. These vitriolic subjects disgust most of us. They are not true and are the worst type of prejudice and racism (as in homophobia).
Whether straight or gay, the topic of religion at work is extremely uncomfortable. I have found it very interesting working with a minister in an office environment. We know that we have our differences in opinion, but must work together despite our feelings. It was a struggle for me to come to terms with the fact that a person at work does not agree with “homosexuality.” Does that mean that she or he doesn’t like me? Does she or he despise me? Luckily, no.
This brings us to the question of how to deal with the religion we see and hear about at work. If you are comfortable with your relationship to whatever god you pray to, good. That does help ease the tension. We have to ignore what we see. Do not confront it. Do not acknowledge it.
I always to hate to tell people to leave things alone, but this is a topic best ignored. Hopefully, if we do not feed into the insanity of religious conversation at work, we will feel more comfortable with our own beliefs. The last thing you want to hear from someone is that they want to refer you to Focus on the Family for spiritual help with your “lifestyle.”
Julie Beach, M.A.
Associate Director, Career Development
Out & Equal Workplace Advocates
LGBTCareerLink
An LGBT Employee Resource Group at a major U.S. corporation survives threats and attacks only to go on and persuade the company to grant domestic partner benefits to all employees. Historical perspective that took place in San Francisco, California. Describes the early days of the workplace equality movement.
Monday morning, 1991. Frank and I settled into our shared office at the San Francisco headquarters of a major corporation. We were still flying high from an inspiring Pride Weekend. Sipping his latté, he glanced at his monitor, “Julie! Look at the Intranet!” I quickly logged into the corporate Intranet, a newly deployed technology tool, and read, “This Company should never hire bull daggers, dykes (sic) and faggots.” I read on. “I was humiliated to see our vehicles on the nightly news festooned with pansies and dykes.” And then, “How did these fairies and male ladies (sic) get hired in the first place?” and “I was humiliated by our company supporting this sideshow of misfits.”
Like moths to flames, Frank and I logged on each successive morning as hundreds of similar messages rained down, each one digitally signed with the author’s name and department. When remarks escalated to threats, we suspected that the posters didn’t realize they could be identified, since Intranets were so new. Comforted by assumed anonymity, the attacks went free-style. When our newly-formed LGBT Employee Resource Group (ERG) had dressed in company uniforms and flanked a large company vehicle in the Pride Parade, we’d been naïve not to prepare for this onslaught—if one can ever prepare for insults and threats on the company’s dime.
Two weeks into the attacks, our ERG gathered to create a response. Like secret refugees in an underground bunker, we met off company property and off the clock. Many were scared they’d lose their jobs in an impending witch hunt. Many were angry and wanted vengeance. Some said we never should have marched. By meeting’s end, we agreed on only one action item—we would take our concerns to the highest ranking company official who would listen.
The head of human resources met us at 5pm in a company auditorium. Both LGBT and allies from their own respective ERG’s attended. First we heard a speech, very canned and polished, stating boiler plate sentiments about our great value to the company. The official pointedly never used the words “Gay,” “Lesbian” or any other relevant term.
When he opened for comments, a tsunami washed over the podium. Flanked by his HR colleagues, he stood like a wooden post listening as two themes emerged: Why did the company allow the offensive postings to continue without taking action? Why had the company treated LGBT employees differently from other employees who were protected by company policy?
Some angry employees threatened to go to the gay press, which for a company headquartered in a city known the world over as a gay Mecca, meant risking embarrassing boycotts and protests. The meeting ended on a sour emotional note when employees spontaneously stood and turned their backs on the HR official when he said, “You people have to understand that many employees disapprove of your lifestyle. Why do you force yourselves on them?”
By next morning, the employee forum was closed with this statement: “Due to inappropriate remarks posted by a small number (sic) of employees, this forum is closed.”
Many ERG members believed the removal of the employee forum punished all employees for the actions of specific employees. While eventually HR sent around a memo encouraging workplace courtesy, many employees felt the punishment did not fit the crime.
Yet, because we stood fast together as an ERG, for the first time, company officials realized that LGBT employees were a true part of the company and needed to be treated as such. As our ERG meetings grew, we became the fire that caused the company to become one of the first to grant full domestic partner benefits, including granting pension benefits to surviving domestic partners.
Today this same company remains a strong supporter of its LGBT employees and has donated hundreds of thousands of dollars to causes in support of our equality.
Should a company offer a training session on diversity or LGBT issues? When I worked for a Fortune 500 company, we had to take an ethics training session every year. It was a common sense overview of ethics issues and a sales pitch for the company’s ethics violations reporting. Honestly, that training was pretty worthless to me. No one really liked the training which made it even less interesting.
I believe that presenting a class on accepting a diverse workforce could be helpful. There are many LGBT issues that can come up at work, as we’ve seen on this site. Training could help ease tensions between employees of different races, sexual orientations, sexual identities, and even religions.
Sometimes people need to be forced to think about their actions. Inadvertent anti-gay comments are made all the time. How many of us have called something gay or retarded because they seemed dumb or stupid? We have all done it. Actions such as these do hurt people. If education is available to help people understand the fact that certain actions or words do hurt, maybe they would refrain from them.
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I work in a field that is primarily made up of straight white married men. In my 13 years on the job at various companies in three states, I have only run into one other confirmed gay guy. No lesbians. Now, I did have a married man hit on me and I did hire someone who said he had broken up with his “girlfriend,” but I knew better. He flamed more than 
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It's Nobody's Business
In the HRC’s new report on equality in the workplace, they found that 60% of people who are not out at work is due to the reason that it is “nobody’s business.” For me this is a foreign concept. I mean, I understand that people want privacy, but it has always bothered me that people assume that I’m straight.
I am a gay man. It is part of my genetic makeup, personality, and life. I’m not “all gay, all the time,” but want people to realize that I have a characteristic that is not typical of a stuffy office worker. While I certainly don’t consider myself “special” for being gay, I do wish that I could be known as just an ordinary guy who happens to be gay.
While our personal lives shouldn’t necessarily be the fodder of office chat, they are. For years I had this major problem with “fitting in” with the people I worked with because I was in the closet. It can be very hard to be content living that lie. Unfortunately we don’t have rainbow flags tattooed on our foreheads and some of us are not easily pegged as being gay.
What I’m getting at is this: you have to make it your business to tell people that you work with that you are gay. That should not make it the business of someone else. If they choose to make your personal life and the fact that you are gay an issue, they probably have bigger issues. You can be out without invading the lives of your coworkers. That is the way to it. Be out, but don’t throw it in their face unless you are prepared for a fight.
http://www.hrc.org/degrees_of_equality/index.asp